• mood: sore
• listening: Discord chattin in the background

why do I always or so often put "sore" as my mood on these things? either because I am actually sore, or because I am a boo boo baby bitch and just think I am. isn't that always how suffering goes, that we are caught between wondering if it's legitimate, or if we are whining for invalid reasons and just grasping at straws to legitimize it? maybe that's just how I am about my own suffering.

anyway, this soreness I refer to is entirely my fault, because I am an idiot and stubborn. you see, in 2013, I paid $40 (WITH TIP) for a septum piercing. this is not nearly enough money to spend on a hole in your body that will be there for life. hence, the stoma is through my columella instead of the alar cartilage. if none of that makes sense to you, it's fine; it's not supposed to if you just go to your piercer, get it done, and be on your merry way. here's Lynn Loheide explaining it in more thorough, professional detail. you see how, in that post, they corrected a septum that started off low and fiddly, and they made it high and tight? my septum is low and fiddly, not high and tight.

I really should've gotten it redone, but I didn't. instead, I stretched it, because I am a fucking moron. not only did I stretch it, but I stacked it. I now have four clicker rings in there: one 20g, two 18g, and a 16g. it's not even a matter of affordability for me at this point. I'm just scared to take the stack out and go to a reputable piercer and have them tell me that I'm cooked and can't wear my septum jewelry anymore. it's such a stupid point of contention. but. ANYWAY. like I said, this is my fault.

moving on! the reason I have been MIA for so long is that I was in Los Angeles from December 9th through the 16th. it was truly a transformative experience, which I know is a douchey way to describe a vacation, but I don't know how else to describe it. you see, and I'm not going to unpack all of the lore, I am the biological child of an adopted man. I do not have a relationship with my biological father, nor did he, for the first three decades of his life, have a relationship with his biological family. thus, I have only really spent meaningful amounts of time with my mother's side of the family. this time, I got to spend time with my paternal side of the family, mostly my amazing aunt but also her two hella cool kids, my cousins (both of whom are older than me, as their mom is much older than my biological dad).

spending so much time with my auntie was truly an amazing experience. it was so comforting and a little bit intense to be around someone who so clearly thought and spoke so similarly to me, after spending a lifetime around people I was related to by blood but not by brain. we walked around on the beach while The Country Brat found seashells--and a human tooth!--and Ventura Boulevard, and celebrated Hanukkah. although I was raised Catholic, and remain a practicing folk Catholic to this day, I have nothing but reverence and respect for my Jewish heritage.

now that I'm back in Indiana, and Christmas is almost here, we're definitely deep in the trenches of the hygge season. I decided I need to read more, particularly in the memoir genre. I have the following books now that I'd either like to begin or finish:

• Hell if We Don't Change Our Ways by Brittany Means (just started, just bought!)
• Enshittification by Cory Doctorow (which I am about half a centimeter close to finishing, I just ran out of steam on the techno nonfiction genre)
• Call the Midwife by Jennifer Worth (I'm about a third of the way through this one)
• I'm Just Happy to Be Here by Janelle Hanchett (this one would be a reread, but I love a reread and she's great)
• Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein (haven't started this one)

finally, The Country Brat and I have been doing a lot in the way of our clothes. I've finally started working on my battle vest, which has a big-ass October Rust backpatch on it, and I finished up my studded hoodie with my Goddamn Gallows backpatch on it while we were in LA. The Country Brat has taken it upon herself to make her own patches using dental floss to pseudo-embroider them, for bands like Destroy Boys and Bikini Kill. she even patched on the Neko Case patch I made her when she was a newborn. it's cool to raise a cool kid. may your holidays be as lovely and cozy as mine have been.